As no-one has rung me for an interview yet, I thought I'd jump the gun by making one up. I doesn't hurt to practice surely? Prepare to be moved, inspired, etc.
JANET- Natalie, you've written hundreds of stories, poems, plays, newsletters, cornflake commercials and indeed, painted murals, canvasses, drawn pictures, tattooed and chalked on your driveway.
NATALIE (Me actually-isn't this exciting?!)- That's right Janet.
JANET- So how much of your work has been taken on by a real publisher then?
NATALIE-(Pause) Er, that would be 'null' Janet.
JANET- Null?
NATALIE- Actually, it's pronounced 'nool' as in rhymes with 'wool'. I'ts how my German grandmother would say "None, zero etc" which in English translates as "None, zero etc". Very similar meaning.
JANET- Right. Ah, why is that Natalie? You obviously have the urge and some talent.
NATALIE- That's a good question Janet. Perhaps you could ask me a different one.
JANET- oh, okay (looks flustered). Why do you have short hair these days? Is it a feminist statement?
NATALIE- Right. No, actually. Though I do believe very much in the feminist train of thought. I just think it stopped half way along the tracks. Long way to go yet, so "All aboard. Toot, toot etc" No really the hair is because I don't have a lot of time and this length works on my dog- she doesn't look too bad in the morning. Dog clippers work on human hair it turns out.
JANET- Ahhh..
NATALIE- Anything else? I really need to update my Facebook status- "being interviewed LOL"
JANET- Well, I had intended to ask what advice you might give budding writers and artists but..
NATALIE- No I can do that. Hmmm, well- for a start, don't take any negativity from parents or teachers. They were given negativity about their stuff and that is why they are now sulky. Break the cycle and ignore them.
Then I would say- immerse yourself in what you love, not like in a bath or pool or anything- just read loads, check out art and most important- do loads of it yourself.
Find other like-minded (wacky) people, join groups etc (regular folk will get bored with you going on) and network, network, network! (check out my blog! I'm on facebook too!). Oh, and find some discipline. I had none and this became a 35 year old problem. Pretending you will die in a year is good motivation (readers who really are going to die within the year-sorry- but you can still get loads done in a few hours so cheer up:-)). Also I now get up at 5am and because my eyes are glazed with sleep, I don't seem to notice the ironing or the messy kitchen which would otherwise distract me- but weirdly not my children. Huh.
JANET- Okay, well thanks Na-
NATALIE- Oh, just a little more (shove Janet aside gently and get close to mic or camera), enter lots of competitions with short stories since you will have them to spare -you can't be precious about them all. Because sometime, some kind sod will give you good feedback and this will help. And lastly don't seek approval from others- beleive in yourself!!!
Was that okay Janet? Was I alright?
JANET- Uh, thankyou again Natalie for your compelling and er, well-researched advice.
NATALIE- No Thankyou Janet. Not a problem. Less than an hours work on Google!
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